July, 20th 2010

It’s 25 days away to that day. the D-day. Again, time goes just so fast, isn’t it? Well, while I’m counting the days left, I suddenly realize something. Counting the days to that days means, whether I like it or not, I would face that situation. The time when I think everything stops and watches me battling in the edge of life, but actually everything goes just as normal as birds flying, wind blowing, weathers changing, urban people working, and public transport moving (hehe).

I dunno why but this word comes in mind since yesterday. Brainwash. Yup. The days I spent those months feels like a dream. Or.. even a nightmare. The life I’ve spent feels just so weird compared to these days since I live in here, close to my family. The life I get here is so normal. This is exactly the life I have for the whole of my life. The life when I shouldn’t work so hard to have something to eat, to read, to play with, to watch, and even to laugh.
So what is it all with the word “brainwash”? Hmm.. my close people, let’s say my mommy, my friends, wake me up from what I call nighmare. Those dreams that made me lost. Those beliefs that made me trust him. Trust. This is also the word that lately has gone from my mind. I feel no trust in him again.
Wise people say, Trust is the key to keep “it”. So, when it’s lost, everything becomes too fragile to be kept. So fragile that it’s in vain if we still try to keep them. The words I often heard are, “ how could you trapped in that kind of person?” or “u know it’s bad, but how come u still want it?” that’s the words. That’s making me realize on how far I am from the “track” I used to walk on. The track I trust, the straight track that made achieve few things I thought I could never get.


So it’s brainwash. Or the other word of “an effort to make me realize of something wrong I did”. The question is, “will I really back to the “track”, leaving all those nightmares I experienced those last months?” Yes, I will. I definitely will choose the people who really know me and all qualities I have, love me, care for me, never leave me, and always honest. I’ll back right to the track after I successfully finish what I’ve started.


I just hope everything goes as good as I want. Ameen.